Apparently it's been over eleven weeks since I've posted anything.. which isn't true. I post things in my mommy blog.. that's good enough.

So Josie is a toddler now. That's all that's really changed. I have a toddler with a buuunch of teeth coming in! 5 on top, and molers on the bottom. That makes for a bit of a cranky baby. So we're working on that.
Past that- we're packing to get ready to move in with the parents. Since we're going to move to Florida, they offered for us to move in with them and save some rent money. Florida here we come! 

Ugh, toddler into trouble. That's all for this post.

 Right now, she's throwing my clean clothes out of the basket, and on to the floor. What a good little helper.

In the last THREE days, Joslyn has decided that she's going to make her mommy out to be a liar. Any chance she gets. 

After I had decided that she just is NEVER going to get teeth.. just constantly be teething... she falls. It wasn't a real fall.. she just tripped. But as I was picking her up making sure she was ok, I noticed that she cut a tooth!
The next morning, I'm feeding her some food, and I had just told my husband that she doesn't seem interested in feeding herself. She'll do it every once in a while.. but not really interested. the next feeding, she spits out the little pasta pieces and then picks them up and feeds herself. Everytime I try to feed her the pasta she eats all the sauce, spits out the pasta and then picks it up and feeds herself.
THEN I'm talking to my father on the phone, telling me how Josie hasn't really said anything. She screams a lot, but no babbling. My nephew was really quiet, and I guess it just runs in the family... she decides it's time to start babbling, and now she's constantly saying "babababa" "maaaaabaaamaaa."(not Mama, of course." and telling little stories.
Now the straw that broke the camels back- my husband and I were playing on the floor with Josie, trying to see if she would walk back and forth between the two of us.. which she won't yet. But we're talking to Josie and I ask her when she's going to stand by herself. After a few minutes, I figure it doesn't hurt to try and get her to stand by herself.. and of COURSE she does it... over 5 seconds!
And now she sits up by herself. I don't even know when she started that!


I need to test my powers... maybe next I'll ask her when she's gonna get a job... or when she's going to start driving. 
She likes to be by the book, this baby. Came on her due date. When the dr said I would probably start noticing Josie roll over, she did.. when babycenter.com said most children start learning to crawl, she did.. Creeping, she did that. 

She's growing up WAY too fast!

 Found out yesterday that Josie is allergic to pineapples. That sucks. No smoothies for her. She also started drinking out of a straw two days ago. Had one of Noah's juiceboxes. Looooved it.

Where should I start? Last night sucked. I'm pretty sure I already posted that Safeway still isn't paying me correctly. $1.34/hour less. It's been like this for 5 weeks, at least. We'll see if Today I get paid correctly. Doubt it. Anyway. For the past week or so, everytime I see the manager, I ask if he's going to pay me correctly. So yesterday, I asked him if I'm going to get paid correctly. He said no. Jokingly. So I went into the office a little later, and sat down. I was like "Jim, so how long is it going to take... for me to get my money? I need it." He started to get frustrated with me.. which I think is hilarious. He was like "Well, how much do we owe you?" I dont know. Over $100. "How many hours?" At least 20 a week. Five weeks. After he calculated it up... which isn't that hard. LOL. 100 hours at $1.34 is $134.00. Easy enough.  He told me he'd get me a check that afternoon. So I'm happy with that. Finally someone is doing something to help me out. Yeah, you sent in the paperwork.. but I still need that money. I need it now. We're hurting. So a little later, he calls me into the office and gives me layoff options. I can either accept the layoff, try to get hours at another store- as a checker -or get demoted to Customer Service.. which I'm already doing that work... I'd just be classified as it now. So I took the demotion. I knew it was coming. Whatever. Although, now I'm going to be bumping This kid Chris out of Customer Service.. I don't really feel bad though. I need the hours. Anyway. As he's leaving the store, he comes and stands next to me. But I was helping customers.. so he just leaves. Without giving me the money. UGH. So I start complaining to people. LOL. Just cause I'm like my dad and I like to hear myself talk. And I told the head clerk, Sharon, that I was upset. He was going to get me that money, and then he just leaves. Jerk. She tells me to talk to the assistant manager, Mark. Mark's an ok guy. Nice enough, but he just doesn't care too much. So I start asking him what I should do. He says he'll text Jim and find out what he wants Mark to do. Never gets back to me. He just leaves. So yeah.. screwed. This isn't MY fault. They screwed up, yet I'm getting punished for it. If they would have told me to fill out the paperwork, I would have, and I wouldn't be in this mess. In theory. I'm just so frustrated..

And THEN- we need to file for Medicaid. Now, I don't really think we need medicaid.. maybe foodstamps, but not so much medicaid. $30 every doctor's visit isn't terrible. It's not having enough money for food and bills. We owe over $1800 in bills. I'm prreeeeeetty much screwed. Most of them have gone to collections. I need to call today and see if we can arrange something. They aren't usually terribly sympathetic. But ya know.. if all I can pay is $20/month... they are gonna have to either accept it.. or screw themselves. LOL. UGH.. this is so frustrating.. did I mention that? Yeah, I have all this debt, and irritation... but look at this child I got out of it.. I think she's worth over $1800. Definitely. 

 I've been meaning to post for a loooong time... so this will be very jumbled, but... oh well. Here it goes.

Josie put herself to sleep today. LOL. Like out of the blue. I had her in the playpen thingy, and she was playing with her stuffed animals and monkey(she LOVES her monkey) and then all of a sudden it was quiet. I went to see what she was doing, she had laid her self down, put the binky in her mouth, and was sleeping. Hilarious. 

What else has happened... she fell off the couh a few days ago. She cried for like ten seconds, I cried for like ten minutes. She was just sitting on the couch- and I was cooking dinner so I ran into the kitchen to stir the pasta, and then I heard her fall -I thought- and then the cry. I ran into the living room, and oh MAN, I felt so terrible. Still do. I can't believe she fell.

OK, so I told my mom two days ago, that I will NOT bring Joslyn up to Castle Rock until she stops drinking. I'm not going to have my child around her when she's drunk, and if she thinks she can still drink while watching Noah... this is the only way to stop it. All she said was "OK." So I went up there yesterday, and she wasn't drinking. I don't know how long it will last, but if I DO go up there, and she IS drinking, I am just going to leave. Even though I just drove 40 miles, I will drive right back around. If I don't stick to this- then she will know I don't mean it, and will think I'm weak. This is something I'm not weak about.

ANYWAY. My pay at work, should be fixed. Here's hoping! I gave Jim all my check stubs from December, and he said he was going to fix it.. but I haven't gotten my check from yesterday so I don't know if they fixed it for last week. I need that money, so they better have fixed it.

Other than that... Jon's passanger side rear window blew out a few weeks ago. The wind was so terrible that it just blew out his window. Which sucks.. but we'll deal. My car was making some clanky noise for a few days... and when I went to my parents yesterday, Dad put some oil into Edwardo... he REALLY needed it. He sounds so much better. With one quart of oil in, it wasn't even registering on dipstick. 

3 days from Joslyn turning 5 months old.

 Wow time flies SO fast. In four days, Joslyn will be officially four months old. We went and got her "four month/Christmas" pictures a few days ago... SO CUTE! And we got one family picture. (insert awws here.) We also. so her picture with Santa. Not the best picture, but she wasn't crying.. so better than Noah's. We might go and get her and Noah's picture taken with Santa this weekend... but doubt it. I'm a busy woman! And we got it all for the low, low price of... $50! Not bad, considering we were gonna spent more than that at one place. And we got two poses of Josie, and one of the fam. plus two Santa pics.All in all, a good Saturday. We've decided to get her pictures taken again around February.

So this morning, I've had some weird dreams. First off, I had another dream about Spore. LOL, that game is sooo addicting. I don't really remember what the dream was ABOUT... but.. it was Spore creatures. Then I had a dream, that the building across from mine caught fire and burned to the ground. But that's not it. It made it's way across the parking lot to our building, and burned off only the balcony. So, I wake up(in my dream) and notice the building is gone... and then I go out into the living room, where my sliding glass door is open, and fire fighters and neighbors are standing around talking. Another lady is in the kitchen, cleaning baby bottles. Of course, I ask what the heck is going on! And no one answered... but there's everyone's luggage and nic-nacs all over my livingroom, in the baby's playpen... just everywhere. The lady in the kitchen says she was a implant from Katrina, and now her place is gone again with nowhere to stay... so I offer her the couch... but the she asks about her five children... who at that time come running in with Josie... then I woke up... soooo weird. 

(Sidenote: HOW Do people actually breastfeed there children until they are like six?! I can't handle the demand of a three and a half month old and work!) 

 She rolled over all on her own!!! First she got really really upset, and didn't want to do it, but then she just... did. Awesome. And guess who got it on video! YEAH I DID. First video is of her getting heated and stuck. And then I turned it off.. then I noticed she was getting closer, so I turned if back on, and she rolled over. Did I mention Awesome? It's the first time she did it on her own. 

  So I'm having a bit of an issue. I just officially went back to work as a checker... and next week, I'm going to be working 40 hours. Now, that would have been GREAT(!!!) FANTASTIC EVEN(!!!) if I didn't have a three month old at home to care for. I told them in the beginning.. or meant to tell them... come to think of it, I don't know if I did tell them.. but anyway! I only want to work like 20-24 hours a week. Anything longer is just too much. I miss her. Plus, I'm not making enough milk to provide for forty hours. I'm barely making enough to provide for the twenty hours I'm gone. Pumping has been a pretty constant struggle for me. I either need to tend to the baby after she feeds, or need to make dinner, or purely forget to pump... that my supply has gone down to the bare minimum for her to feed. Lately I've been waking up in the middle of the night to pump, just so I can get those 3.5-4 onces. It's starting to take a toll on me alittle bit. But I'm feeling a little weird about supplementing with formula.. I don't know why. I know it's fine. I know there's nothing wrong with it.. but for some reason it's putting a strain on me, just thinking about it.(Also posted in August_babies08) Ugh.. I'm just stupid. Ah, crying baby.

Been really busy lately. Especially since going back to work. It hasn't been terribly hard... just kind of frustrating. When I drop her off at Grandma and Grandpa's house I feel a little sad, but I know she's in good hands and that I'm going to see her in eight hours. When I DO see her in eight hours, I am so excited. Even after a long stupid day at work. I wish I didn't have to leave her, but I know we need the money. Not NEED NEED, like to survive.. but if we ever want to save ANY sort of money I need to keep working. 
Also nursing while working is getting harder. The storing up milk is harder for some reason. I mean, I come home for lunch to pump... but it really isn't enough it seems. I don't know. It's just an awkward thing, but I'm dealing with it. If she ends up needing formula for supplement, I'm ok with that.. but I'm just going to try for as long as possible to keep her nursing.

Other than that, she's doing pretty good. Started sleeping in her crib again. Only stayed in our bed for like two weeks. It was probably because it was getting colder, and she had a bit of a cold. So she wasn't feeling well, top it off with her being cold.. I understand. I wanted someone to cuddle with too. She started sleeping through the night a few weeks ago. Probably closer to the second week of Oct. She's cute as a button.. and I've seen a LOT of cute buttons. Tigger is her new bestfriend, and she started drooling constantly lately. My mom is positive she's about to start teething... and it could be that she's teething without actually getting a tooth for another few months.. but I don't think so. But you never know. 

Nothings really new with Jon and I. We're boring folks. 

 Haven't been one for updating lately. Been pretty tired and busy. Josie's great, although she's decided against sleeping in her own crib. She'll be able to sleep in her crib for twenty to thirty minutes before she starts freaking out. But I realized she will sleep in our bed with us for four-five hours at a time. Which is amazing. And now I'm spoiled with getting all this sleep that I don't know how I'm going to get her back into her bed. Last night she slept in her bed for three hours, but started screamin right after that. Right when I picked her up, she passed back out.. so I set her down, and she started crying again. Of course, I was too tired to fight with her, so I just held her, and put her in bed with us. She fell to sleep REAL quick, and didn't wake up till 6:30 to feed. And for the past few days she's been really needy and whiny. Doesn't want to sleep in her bassinet or in her swing, only in my arms. Which makes getting ANYTHING done terribly hard. Dishes, laundry, cleaning anything up is like a three or four hour ordeal.. IF it gets done at all. Irritating me. Jon was helping me out, but that's gotten slower, and pretty much nonexistant. Although, last night he ran the dishwasher without being asked.. which was nice. 

Figured out how much I weigh. Had my last dr's appointment on Tuesday. First weigh in at the dr was 150. Last weigh in before she was born(a week before) I weighed 157. Six weeks post partum I weigh 142. Not bad, I suppose.

Joslyn's crying, short entry.

1. How old is your baby?
5 weeks one day

2. What's going on with your baby?
She's staying awake for longer periods of time. Just staring at things, talking to herself and smiling. I know they say they can't smile yet, but how could that ALL be gas. She's totally smiling. Her belly button gave me a little bit of a stare last night. I gave her a bath, and like out of nowhere came this gross... scabby thing from her belly button. After drying her off it was almost bloody, which is weird cause it's been healed for a while. Seems fine now though.

3. How are you feeling?
Usually I'm pretty good. I've been getting pretty angry with my husband though. Apparently, he thinks that if I need help, I should just call his mother to come over.. rather than.. you know.. HIM helping me out. I set him straight REALLY fast.

4. Any doctor's appointments this week and how did they go?
Not until Friday.

5. Anything big going on in your personal life (family, work related, moving, etc)?
haha, My husband and I were planning our FIRST night away from Joslyn... but we waited too long and the concert tickets are sold out... terribly sad about that. I knew I should have bought the tickets when I first heard about them and NOT wait until the day BEFORE. :-D

6. Any questions?
I don't think so. 

7. Any pictures from this week to share?
( Yup )
8. Favorite thing about being a mom? 
Did you see the picture? THAT's my favorite part. LOL.

That's right, I'm not alone now! Josie seems to be a born hanson fan. So far she responds positively to Georgia, I've been down, Madeline(which was so cuuuute) and You're Enough. You're enough was pretty soothing, although I cried. LOL. Only because I was singing to her, and the "Honestly I've been waiting for you" part came on and... it just happened. Dude, I'm a mom to a beautiful little girl... AND shes a hanson fan. How awesome is that??? She doesn't like Traci Brown though. Just wasn't a fan at all.

So here's what's up. Dede is in town, so there's TONS of pictures being taken of course. Sean and Jen bought Josie a hat with Minnie ears.. and it was ADORABLE. She's a month old today.. which is insane. I've been a mom for a whole month now! And she almost slept through the whole night. Which scared me. She fed at 4am, and then slept till 8. Of course she didn't go to sleep until 11.. but she had slept all day as it was.. Just a lot of sleep going on. She's started smiling at people, and focusing on her mobile and stuffed animals and stuff. She's just awesome.

Oh yeah! So it's been a month and ahalf since the family has been able to see Noah. They've filed the papers to get some sort of custody arrangement a few weeks ago, and Jake had a meeting with Sabrina today. Didn't go well. First off, she rescheduled it three different times. When they finally met, She told him that she wants full custody and he can have visitations. She had a paper that she wanted him to sign and he just walked out. He actually wants something to do with this kid.. So she told him if he didn't sign it, when they go to court(Oct. 3rd.) He will have to pay $600 every month and have only supervised vistiations.. which just isn't true. I mean, it's a POSSIBILITY that the judge might MIGHT want supervised visitations(even though there really isn't any reason, Jake's never hurt Noah and isn't a drug addict so I don't see that happening) but there's no way He will have to pay $600. He doesn't even make $600. I know my dad has to be hurting. He missed him so much. He wants to see Noah and Joslyn together.. she's gonna be such a big girl when they finally meet.

I think that's about it. This is a really jumbled entry.. I just keep thinking of something new, and it's hard to type with a baby hugging onto you. But I'm not complaining. Yet.


OH YEAH! So Jon and I had our first little... thing since she's been born. about a week ago, we were going somewhere I don't remember where and she was in the carseat/carrier on Jon's lap and she started crying. I was putting on my shoes and Jon said something like "You're mommy is too busy to help you." Which he says every once in a while, and ya know it hurts.. so I told him so. And he said something about how it's true, or how could I just stand there while my baby is crying and do nothing about it. And my heart SANK. Did he REALLY feel that way? Does he think I just sit around all day letting her cry while I ignore her? So I took the carrier off his lap and start swinging her with my back turned to him. I didn't want him to see me cry. At that point I didn't know if he would even care if he knew I was crying. Since apparently I'm such a bad mother, I would deserve whatever I got.. or something. I stood there swinging her for like 5 minutes and then I couldn't deal with it anymore. I set her down and went into the bathroom. And I cried. When I came out, he told me he was sorry and a jerk. Which I fully agreed with. You DON'T say something like that, first off at ALL, but you don't say it to a brand new mom, or to a mom that JUST gave birth so she has all these emotions going on. Now, of course I didn't just let him apologize and be done with it. I let him know that I am NOT a bad mother, that you should never say something like that to someone. I'm with her ALL day long, EVERY day, I know if she needs to be picked up right away or if she's just whining. I know what's good for her, and there's no way I was going to let her sit there and cry. We needed to go at a certain time, and I needed my shoes. I wasn't ABANDONING my child. And never to say something like that to me again. It's not funny, it's uncalled for and it's just hurtful. I don't care how frustrated he might be. After that, we were fine. So far, it hasn't happened again. If it ever does, I will punch him in the throat. :-D OK, now THAT's all.

 Oh man, am I tired.

I got maybe four hours of sleep last night. All together, not in a row. I was going to use another word for it, but I really can't think of it right now. LOL. Josie was doing so well with her sleep too. For three nights in a row, she slept six hours straight. From about 12:30 to 7. Or midnight to 6. Something like that. But last night- she was not having any of it. Just like today. She does not want to sleep for Mommy. This cluster feeding is starting to take a toll on me, I think. I'm so tired. Exhausted. All I do is feed her. I love her with all my heart, and it's not something I get upset with her about. It's not her fault she's so hungry, her body is growing and needs nurishment. It just kinda sucks, the cluster feedings. And it makes me so sad when she cries. It's like she hadn't eaten in days.. when it's been an hour and a half. 

I let Jon sleep at night. I don't ask him to get up and change her, or to hand her to me, or burp her. Although I probably should. I just kinda figure that he needs his sleep for work. I don't want him to be exhausted and go to work for eight hours. I know how much that sucks. I've been there before- and what if he has to work gels? Let me find out he cuts off a hand because he's been up with the baby all night.  Yeah. Not gonna happen. 

Anyway, I took Josie to Safeway yesterday to see Carol and the other workers. Everyone loved her. Carol said that she's Uncle Carol. She doesn't want to be called Aunt Carol- she isn't an insect. She also got her second infant screening yesterday. She was such a trooper, I would have been screaming if someone was squeezing blood out of my foot! She didn't start whining and crying till the very end. By then, she was like "Honestly lady, you're taking too long! I'm done with this."
Melinda is supposed to come over tomorrow and see the two of us. Last time she came and saw us, she brought Tabitha, Sheldon and Tabitha's cousin to the hospital. I was NOT happy about that. Why would she bring Tabitha and the other two? She knows I don't like Tabitha... and yet she stil brings her to see me? Screw her. All I have to say is- it better just be Melinda tomorrow. 

Oh yeah- Noah still hasn't met his cousin. I think it's gonna be a while until he does. Sabrina is being really mean about Jake(my Dad really) seeing Noah. She finally texted Jake back after three days saying that Noah is fine and to leave them alone. If she keeps it up, they are really going to need to call the cops. He is legally the father, and deserves to see his son. Even if he really doesn't care to see him. I just know it's killing my Dad. 

Gotta feed the babe. I'm suprised she let  me type all this, she must have known I needed some time. I love her so much.

After that terrible terrible night/morning I've had, I still haven't gone to sleep. So I called the Dr's office this morning right when they opened and told them what's been going on.. Turns out I'm 3 cm dilated, 75% effaced, -2, and my water has ruptured... It's go time, baby!!! ...But I'm not ready. YIKES! 
Funny enough, I wouldn't have called if Iesha didn't freak out. OK, off to hospital.

P.S. Remember to be angry that parents didn't really care when I called to tell them I'm in labor. Mom's reaction "So is it cool if I come at like 2ish?" Dad's reaction "OK, I'll call you back in a little bit. Bye." Jerks.. I'm having your grandchild!!!

So it's almost six am now, and I've been up since at least 2:30. That's the time that I actually got up and started timing the contractions. The first time. I got into bed at 10, but I really don't think I got any sleep. Every contraction would wake me up and they were coming pretty frequently. Kinda makes it hard to fall asleep in between them. I've been having much stronger contractions for a longer period of time, which makes me excited(!!!) but at the same time.. yeah they are painful. They have been about 3-4 minutes apart, about a minute for each contraction. That is until I actually get up to time them.. cause APPARENTLY my body decides once I get out of bed that they should slow down. It's kind of driving me insane. Cause I'm sure this is actual labor, so I get up and get ready to time... and nothing for eight minutes or something. 
Also, I am leaking when I'm laying down. I don't know if my water has broken slightly, or if it's just some sort of discharge that is very watery... either way it's a weird sensation. Many times I get more.. leaky when I'm having a contraction which makes me think it's the water. Anyway... I figured I would get this down, since I'm up and in pain. Jon really has no idea what's going on. LOL. I figured, if this IS happening today he will need his sleep, and if it's not, then there's no reason to wake him up. Although, if he keeps pushing over into my half of the bed, I will have to decapitate him. Just saying, and pregnant woman needs room when she's contracting.

 Still with the contractions. It's been going on for a few days it seems, but they don't seem to be getting harder or worse or any closer. I realized that I'm probably a bit dehydrated so that might have a loooottt to do with these contractions. OK, I didn't realize- Jon did. But I've been doing so well with drinking water lately, I guess I just started slacking the last few days. I've been trying to rehydrate (Double time) but the contractions are still happening. They are a lot stronger at night. I thought after rehydrating that last night might have been better, but I still had contractions that woke me up. They only last about 30 -45 seconds and vary from every 5-6 minutes to 10-15 minutes in between. So it's pretty sparatic. I think I'll call the dr, just to make sure I don't need to go to L&D. But I'm sure it's nothing, and I will still have to go to lunch with Jon's mom and grandmother. LOL... That is all.

So yesterday, I lost the mucus plug (gag). I lost some of it at around 11, and then a whoooooole bunch of it in the afternoon. Since then, there's still been little pieces with a little bit of a bloody show. Gross. The whole experience was disgusting. 

But the interesting part- When I went to sleep last night(around 11 pm) I started having some mild contractions. So I didn't go to sleep until alittle bit after midnight. After that, I kept waking up with contractions.. I guess not enouh for me to be worried, but enough to wake me up. I got up like 4 times to use the bathroom, when usually I get up maaaybe once a night? The last contraction that woke me up was at 4:45 this morning. I mean, I think. Maybe I just got used to them, and was too tired to care that I was in some pain. LOL. 
I kept thinking that I felt a leaking sensation every once in a while.. but I can't really be sure since I was in and out of sleep. Right now, I don't seem to be leaking at all or having contractions, but I feel like poop. Nauseous(but that's kind of usual) almost like I do when I'm on my period. Not as crampy... cause I'm usually not terribly crampy... just icky. I dunno. 

I keep wondering if I should still drive up to my parents house today. Of course, I'm going to.. it's only a 40 minute drive, but I probably just won't stay long. Just in case.

If I didn't lose my mucus plug a few days ago, it's DEFINITELY gone now! Gross, snotty, slightly bloody thing is gone.. and gross. The end.